picked a handful of violets in my name

So I posted a while back that I was really stressed about something and then I didn't post anything for a while. Oops.

The stressful situation is resolving itself, both more quickly and more slowly than I might have expected. But at least I've stopped losing sleep over it.

I've pretty much just been going to class, going to work, and doing face-to-face social stuff. I'm not in a bad place, depression-wise, but I am not as active as I'd like to be. I think it comes down to recalibrating myself again: the structure of my life has changed quite a bit lately.

Grad school has a different feel to it. The good news is, I'm keeping up with readings and assignments much better than I managed in undergrad. But I need to train myself into spending a bit more time on campus being involved in groups and meeting people. (Tangential to grad school: I have already encountered a fellow student in the local kink scene. We spotted each other on FetLife, but have not yet managed to be at any of the same events.)

I have been more social within my pre-grad school contexts. I attended a couple of munches - someone has relaunched the munch for Mob New England, and someone else has started a munch for bi/queer/etc. women in relationships with men. I also spent a nice chunk of time with oration on his birthday. I hung out with him while he cleaned his house for the party (and then had to leave the party early because being there while Cid was cleaning had upset my lungs something fierce, and I didn't have my inhaler).

Plus my Battletech group is switching to Shadowrun. The character creation process is so involved, and our schedules have been so start-of-term hectic, that we've only played one mini-session so far (and only one of us had a proper character - I used a stock character from the rule book and Cid was using a character our GM made, I think). We had a nice character creation session on Cid's back porch last night - well, Cid was working on a character and I just went over for people-time and got a couple of questions answered.

21 Days of Dreamwidth

( Since I'll be offline for a few days, I should get ahead. )

Side Effect: May Cause FEELINGS

So I have a question for the people out there who are not congenitally depressed.

Sometimes I experience semi-random happiness, where I'm just having a nice day and everything is kinda shiny and it's good to be alive. Sometimes I get enormously ragey over stuff that doesn't seem to merit serious RAEG.

And both of those ~~feelings~~ are pretty obviously tied to my meds (along with an increase in ability to Get Shit Done and a decrease in memory function). My question is: do I finally, after 20 years of being depressed, have a reasonable range of emotions?

Plans

Boston MCR show tomorrow night; I'll be in line during the day. Meeting with tuesdaysgone Friday morning for a ride to PA and another MCR show. Assuming the gods of train schedules smile upon me, I should be back in Boston in time for the SlutWalk. (Fingers crossed I can make all my transit connections.) And then there is the DC concert. Wheeeeeee.

So I mentioned a little while back that I am visiting Cory's parents after Christmas.

I am totally sending them a card, whenever he gets around to giving me an address. I am also going to send a card to his brother Chris and Chris's girlfriend Kajsa (who was one of Ellie's friends in high school, actually).

But I also want to get them gifts! Because I do that! !!!! And this is where I turn to you, oh lazyweb...

Kajsa crochets; I can get her some yarn, y? Or am I projecting my own desire to be gifted with craft supplies? Other people who crochet: what is a reasonable quantity of yarn?

As for the other three, I am completely lost and I doubt Cory will be any kind of help. What kinds of things are reasonable, non-weird (well, non-excessively-weird) gifts for the parents and siblings of one's partner?

I get that this is probably a weird and excessive thing to be doing, but. *hands* I had a Thing about the holiday season as a kid - I tried to get stuff for all my cousins, even the ones I wouldn't be seeing (not make my mom get stuff and put my name in the From: field. Pick it out myself, even if she did give me the money to pay for it). It faded for a while, and then a few years ago, the holiday wishlist meme and the people offering to send out cards brought it out again.

Helped four statues and a balloon clown move house yesterday!

It went pretty well - in spite of having to make two trips, the Uhaul got returned on time. And Ellie came by with the Subaru Wonder Wagon for physical assistance (being a person of greater upper body strength than, say, my puny self), transportation of items smaller than mattresses, and the driving from A to B of the five cats.

Injuries sustained by me: cardboard rash on my palms and the insides of my arms, two parallel paper cuts on my left wrist, at least three separate bruises on my left knee. And of course my muscles are Not Pleased, but that is why we have pain relievers. Oh, and we dropped a dry sink on my foot heading down the stairs at the old place. Thank god for my boots, because although it hurt at the time, there's no evidence of it today.

Then I went to work today! Only for the remaining few hours I could earn actual money for, but still. Ow to slinging boxes of documents and photos after that.

And tonight we had Cid and Jason over for dinner. Alfredo sauce, ravioli, olive oil and bread.

( links )

Well, internets, I am definitely experiencing a depressive episode that exceeds my medication's ability to compensate. :(

There are definitely some external components. Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse than Completely Random Brain Fuckery. I am probably experiencing a very extended sort of con drop, because I had 3+ weeks of New Orleans and parents and Doing All Of The Things (research, eating, shopping), 24 hours in Boston in which I had to Do All Of The Other Things (unpack, repack, work most of a day), then the con, and then more parents (they came up to Boston for a week to visit Ellie, so I got a few extra days with them post-con). Nothing to do but go to work, and I'm still part-time until the 5th.

( It is also approaching five years since I was raped. (formulated to be hypo-trigger-genic) )

I am dwelling on it because I promised to make an item for shadesong's Blogathon auction (I made three things last year). She always blogs for BARCC, but the theme for this year's items is the strength/resilience of survivors. I have no idea what I'm going to make, and the openness of the theme doesn't actually help (last year, I used shadesong's fiction for prompts).

( I probably should have made the Blogathon piece while I was in New Orleans. (there are some details here, maybe triggers) )

So my plan for the rest of the afternoon had been to catch up on my dreamroll, which I have not checked since Friday because spoons, but I think what I will actually do after I post this is play with my boxes of beads and whatnot. See what comes up.

Daily Song (right-click): Escape the Fate - Cellar Door
This may have to go on certain of my writing playlists. (Not playlists I listen to while I write, mind you. More like fanmixes I make for myself.)

Academichic: Dress Your Best Week
I'd like to participate in that, but IDK whether I'll have the spoons.* I could try picking out my clothes ahead of time and writing the entry in advance, I guess. I've been meaning to assemble fabulous outfits more often (inspired partly by one of my coworkers and partly by the underutilized parts of my closet), but, ugh, effort. This kind of thing is usually the first to get pushed aside.

When it comes to picking out clothes in advance, there's also the problem of Boston's highly fickle weather. I can't just glance at a forecast and create five outfits for a work-and/or-class-week! I have to have backup outfits: what if it rains, what it it's suddenly and briefly hot or cold, etc?

* I'm still trying to figure out the extent to which I'm comfortable with conceptualizing my depression as a disability. I often feel like I am too functional to really count. :\

( dreamwidth linkery )

The one in my icon (IDK if I still have it uploaded on LJ). Even though the panic is over.

Papers done, printed, gone through TurnItIn. Just have to deliver physical copies to the TAs, which I will do after this class.

Of course, after that, I have to go to student health! Because I missed my appointment an hour ago! Because I was so busy freaking out about my papers that I forgot it. So, once again, fml. At least this round of "oh, self, fail" is minor and easily fixed.

And then I'll go to work, because I had to cancel this morning because papers.

Boston-and-environs: recommend therapists, especially kink-friendly ones!

I'm supposed to keep a weekly log for my honors seminar, Being "Crazy" in America, in which I record and reflect on stuff about mental health issues that I've stumbled upon (or sought out, but I'll find enough via my reading page). I will be using my journal for this, and you are welcome to comment. Also, I suspect it will be more frequent than 'weekly,' because of how quickly the internet moves.

Most of the following was written yesterday, around lunchtime.

( tra la la )

Ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Or any sort of question, really.

I hope to get something relatively substantive up in the next few days, but a quick list:
* Work continues to be good.
* I haven't been doing enough writing and it bugs me.
* I haven't been doing enough anything lately, except for going out, and it bugs me.
* I know what I'm doing for NaNo (two ideas, actually - focusing on the more heart-wrenchingly miserable one, but will switch to the other one whenever I cannot go on *hands*).
* I suspect I need to go back up to 250 mg. Maybe even 300, but I'm scared to try that again since my memory was so badly affected last time. We'll see how I do between now and my next appointment.