(And then this weekend is the Flea - totally different kind of gathering, lol. *has awesome roomies, needs to figure out when to get to the train station*)
(And then this weekend is the Flea - totally different kind of gathering, lol. *has awesome roomies, needs to figure out when to get to the train station*)
I've also been doing small housekeeping tasks (load of laundry! put away clothes! load dishwasher! etc!) somewhat at random, when the urge strikes. Unfortunately, all the semi-compulsive neatening in the world does not change the fact that I Own Too Much Stuff And Need To Get Rid Of Some Of It. (Possibly the biggest glut of things comes of being the exact same size for nearly a decade that had "fleeing home with an overnight bag because of Katrina" in the middle of it; I own waaaaay too much clothes and it all still fits me.) (I also have a lot of notebooks and loose papers. I think I need to steal some of Ellie's cardboard storage boxes and turn my archival skillz on my own crap.)
I have not mailed anyone's cards yet, but the comment notifications are still in the Starred section of my inbox, reminding me that I need to do that. Soon.
I will be visiting my parents from December 18th to January 6th. For the first time in a long time, I will get to spend my birthday having a good time, rather than "on a plane" or "stepped off a plane yesterday." I am looking forward to that.
And now some more tylenol and sleep. My knee is unhappy again; I guess it's not as healed as I thought it was. :(
And Neoclassic is getting a new D&D group together; she wants another group, and she's been recruiting among her friends and acquaintances in the kink community. I'm definitely interested in playing, as long as it's not Mondays (conflicts with Shadowrun) or Wednesdays (when I wind up doing the homework for 2 of 3 classes).
In other awesome news, I'm having dinner tonight with marina and her Boston hosts who I am not currently internet-acquainted with.
The stressful situation is resolving itself, both more quickly and more slowly than I might have expected. But at least I've stopped losing sleep over it.
I've pretty much just been going to class, going to work, and doing face-to-face social stuff. I'm not in a bad place, depression-wise, but I am not as active as I'd like to be. I think it comes down to recalibrating myself again: the structure of my life has changed quite a bit lately.
Grad school has a different feel to it. The good news is, I'm keeping up with readings and assignments much better than I managed in undergrad. But I need to train myself into spending a bit more time on campus being involved in groups and meeting people. (Tangential to grad school: I have already encountered a fellow student in the local kink scene. We spotted each other on FetLife, but have not yet managed to be at any of the same events.)
I have been more social within my pre-grad school contexts. I attended a couple of munches - someone has relaunched the munch for Mob New England, and someone else has started a munch for bi/queer/etc. women in relationships with men. I also spent a nice chunk of time with oration on his birthday. I hung out with him while he cleaned his house for the party (and then had to leave the party early because being there while Cid was cleaning had upset my lungs something fierce, and I didn't have my inhaler).
Plus my Battletech group is switching to Shadowrun. The character creation process is so involved, and our schedules have been so start-of-term hectic, that we've only played one mini-session so far (and only one of us had a proper character - I used a stock character from the rule book and Cid was using a character our GM made, I think). We had a nice character creation session on Cid's back porch last night - well, Cid was working on a character and I just went over for people-time and got a couple of questions answered.
A few weeks ago, we installed some new shelves in my room (there will be so. many. holes to patch when we move out, but it is worth it in the meantime), and as a result, I rearranged all the books - well, all my books and the shared-custody books; I do not mess with the order of the engineering/woodworking/etc things because they are definitely Not Mine. And I discovered that I had space for MOAR BOOKS!!!!11!1! even with some of the shelf space being reserved for display of tchotchkes. This is very exciting and I am using it as an excuse to buy things off my wishlist. (But I have to save space for books that are still in New Orleans. I only plan to retrieve a fraction of them, the rest being novels I don't want to read again and things left over from my Stereotypical Teenage Wiccan Phase, but a fraction of 400 is still a significant number.)
Two links that both come with trigger warnings (and lengthy blockquotes):
( Read more... )
"PROMPT REQUESTS SWEET FRIENDSHIP OR G-RATED ROMANCE; FILL IS SET IN BDSM CLUB."
I get the whole "want one thing from a prompt, get something radically different" thing, and I understand that FYFF macros are frequently sarcastic or ironic. In this case, though, it's by no means the joke premise that I'm objecting to. It's the wording of the joke itself.
It's a joke, but it's one that, intentionally or no, highlights and reinforces a lot of stereotypes about BDSM -- none of them good. It's kink-shaming, and it's full of negative ideas I can't just let stand without saying something.
I started writing some vidder's notes for that vid about manpain that I made, and they just got longer and longer, and more and more speculative and meta-y, and eventually I had to give up on making them notes and make them into their own separate post about manpain. So, for those who are interested in my opinion on manpain, here it is! For those who just want to watch the vid, I have neatly cordoned this meta off from the vid so that you don't have to care about it. It's almost unforgivably long, so do feel free to skip.
Notes... oops? Kind of fell off the face of the earth there. I've been fine, just busy.
QuestionFor how many days after having an IUD inserted can one expect to have cramps? (IUD went in Tuesday evening. By Friday, I was down from NSAIDs-like-clockwork to NSAIDs-as-needed, but I'm still having to take something at least once a day. Seems to still be in place and I have had no bleeding/spotting whatsoever, so I am not worried, just annoyed.)
Training( Survivor Speakers Bureau )
Links( four: attraction, sexism, privacy, appropriation )
PlansNone for tonight; weekly Battletech got canceled due to GM illness. Tomorrow I have a few errands to run after work. I also have room-cleaning and furniture-moving to do before my mom arrives on Saturday.
RecentlyWent to a few yard sales (and the Kinky Tea and Tag Sale yesterday, where I spent most of my time socializing, and Boomerangs today, where I found a fantastic knife block for $2, which has made Ellie pretty happy). It turns out that yard sales make an effective carrot for getting me up relatively early on the weekends, and also getting me out of the house. Unfortunately, I walked 3.7 miles yesterday and 1.9 miles today, wearing flip flops for the first time since last year. Oops.
Links( science, kink and fanfic, Dreamwidth stuff, mental illness )
RecentlyGarage sales didn't happen because I was up too late last night to get out of bed this morning. Cleaned my room some (needs to be DONE by the time my parents come to visit, since I currently have the futon boxed in and they need to sleep on it).
I also went to Goodwill and Boomerangs to get myself out of the house. I got:
21 Days of Dreamwidth20. Yes, but what are your thoughts on yaoi?
I was pretty into yaoi for a while - there was a big comm on LJ where I could get scans. But then that comm tightened its age restrictions/enforcement quite a bit and I went back to getting my unrealistic guy-on-guy porn fix exclusively from fic.
An extremely interesting study of piracy, defined as large-scale unauthorized reproduction both for profit and via free downloads, around the world. The authors conclude that piracy is largely a problem of a globalized Euro-American entertainment/industrial complex that has successfully generated demand for its products but unsuccessfully served that demand at prices people in other countries can pay, largely from refusal to price copies so they’d take roughly the same amount of purchasing power in poor nations. One example: converting prices as a percentage of per capita income, a Dark Knight DVD sold in India would cost $663 in the US; A Beautiful Mind would cost $421.
PlansMIT Flea, Mob meeting/demo, JP picnic munch.
21 Days of Dreamwidth17. How many people on your reading list do you know IRL?
By my count, 51. 25% - not bad.
18. What don't you talk about here, either because it's too personal or because you don't have the energy?
Not much is too personal - I've used my journaling environment as a support group for dealing with depression and sexual assault. Energy is a much bigger constraint on my posting (thanks, depression!), although most of the things I deliberately leave out are omitted because I know I'm writing for an audience that demands a smidgen of entertainment value.
19. Any questions from the audience?
Ask and I will answer.
being nice to one another
THE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MEME
Why is it that of all possible human topics, the one that conservative religious people of different faiths agree on is strict gender roles?
PlansI might hit a couple of garage sales tomorrow morning, if I can haul myself out of bed. Sunday is the Mob meeting/demo and the JP picnic munch.
21 Days for Dreamwidth( a few more )
Silence = Death. If fictional people are silenced by their authors, then fuck yeah, we're marching right the fuck in and giving them voices.
PlansGet on plane. Change planes in New York. Maybe briefly meet up with Kajsa in Baltimore. Get self + suitcase to the Haus of Fangirl in MD.
RecentlyCapture the flag didn't happen; no one from the Camberville side showed up, so the four JP residents (well, three plus Daly, who is probably on our side anyway, regardless of where he actually lives) got ice cream and hung out at Cid's house instead.
I got recruited into a BattleTech game. Daly taught me how to play on Saturday and my first session with the group was Monday. (Daly severely underestimated our ability to defend a base. And we discovered a loophole for artillery - if every spotter is -1 to hit a target and we have ten mechs peering over the wall... "hey Cid, the pilot's got brown eyes, are you aiming for the left one or the right one?") I fielded three mechs (all of mine, none from the communal pool) and actually managed to keep track of all of them! Although I think I'm going to have to get my own miniatures, because keeping track of which vaguely similar grey plastic mechs are mine (and which one goes with which sheet) is going to drive me nuts. And because I am me, they will be painted to suit my tastes and will therefore not look anything like they're supposed to.
Biggest news, though: I got into Simmons, after an eon of waiting for a decision. No info on financial aid yet, but I have wonderful parents who will put me through grad school regardless.
21 Days of Dreamwidth( I missed a few. )
Links( three links )
21 Days of Dreamwidth5. How about when you're not on the computer?
Work. Concerts. Etc. My offline social life is mainly arranged over the internet, although I do have random encounters with some of my friends on the Orange Line (the benefits of going to the same school and living in the same area).
6. What do you wish people who read your journal knew about you?
... you people probably know more about me that anyone except maybe my sister and my boyfriend.
Links( kink, ad-supported devices, mental illness and medication, filk, reproductive rights )
PlansCapture the flag, followed by ice cream. Everybody cheer for JP! We are going to destroy Camberville.
I just read a paper from the discipline of conversation analysis. It dovetails nicely with what I wrote in Talking Past Each Other, and I’m going to go through some of the findings (I can’t redistribute the paper itself), and talk about some conclusions. Long story short: in conversation, “no” is disfavored, and people try to say no in ways that soften the rejection, often avoiding the word at all. People issue rejections in softened language, and people hear rejections in softened language, and the notion that anything but a clear “no” can’t be understood is just nonsense. First, the notion that rape results from miscommunication is just wrong. Rape results from a refusal to heed, rather than an inability to understand, a rejection. Second, while the authors of the paper say that this makes all rape prevention advice about communicating a clear “no” pointless, I have a different take. Clear communication of “no” isn’t primarily going to avoid miscommunication — rather, it’s a meta-message. Clear communication against the undercurrent that “no” is rude and should be softened is a sign of the willingness to fight, to yell, to report.
The presenter, whose name I unfortunately do not recall, let the discussion go on for a bit before stopping it. She said, and I paraphrase, "All of the medical details can get confusing and upsetting, so I like to use a metaphor. Imagine you are caring for your elderly grandmother. It's difficult to get her up and down the stairs and into the tub because she is a tall woman. So, to fix this problem, you decide to cut off her legs to make her smaller."
Alt.Share is an unconference on April 3rd, 12:30pm-4:30pm at the Boston University Women’s Resource Center based on the idea that sexuality affects all aspects of life and that anyone with the desire to learn has the right to do so and has something to contribute to this open environment.
Because of the way that sex workers are generally made vulnerable to violence, as well as the ways that prisoners face frequent sexual assault, the most callous part of this practice may be the fact that such large numbers of those forced to register as sex offenders for non-violent offenses are victims of sexual violence themselves. Most of the women and men profiled in these articles talk about having been raped, whether as adults or children, whether by clients or family members, by prison guards or fellow prisoners. They must register as sex offenders, be unable to find employment or residences, face harassment and assault, and bear scarlet letters on their identification while at the same time, probably all of their actual rapists do not have to do the same. They have not only been raped, but been given their rapists’ punishments. They have not only been raped, but told that they are like, or perhaps worse than, their actual rapists.
But, in the digital world, you get to decide exactly who to be, where to go, and how to behave. This can be problematic if you try to create an entirely new persona (it’s a dishonest and unsustainable representation of yourself), but when wielded skillfully, it can propel the real you to new heights. Rather than create a whole new you, create the best you. Choose the traits you like about yourself, and exemplify them online. Let the less attractive qualities fall by the wayside. Place yourself in a digital environment that will allow you to flourish.This is actually something I did in my offline life, parallel to beginning and sustaining my online life. I've referred to the name 'Sofia Blackthorne' (which I use in any context where my legal name is not required and where explaining myself won't be absurd) as an aspirational identity, by which I mean: I had an idea of who my ideal Me was, and I continued to develop that ideal self, and I named it so I'd have easier access to it all.
When I focus on creating an improved digital version of me, I find those qualities actually start to carry over into my physical self.
( links and stuff )
Now to get ready for my interview. It's going to be great but I am still super-nervous, of course.
Small world phenomena are often useful, and definitely nifty. But people have many reasons to want to keep different parts of their networks from ever overlapping. While it's cool to discover that your kindergarten teacher also taught your college roommate after moving to another state and switching to fifth grade, it's not so cool for that teacher to bump into you when you're 25 years old and heading to a demonstration at the local BDSM convention.
People have many strategies for keeping things separate: they may have multiple email addresses, use different names or nicknames in different contexts, avoid discussing things outside of certain circles... Groups centered on activities that carry significant stigma (like BDSM, certain aspects of which are illegal in Massachusetts) may have internal community standards that help group members enforce divisions between certain aspects of their lives, the most basic of which is to avoid sharing information about other members of the group in any other context.
But there is still the risk associated with smal worlds of encountering someone in the "wrong" context, if that other person isn't aware of community standards, chooses not to obey those standards, or judges the context to be appropriate for sharing.
(This post inspired by the new member orientation for a local kink group that I attended yesterday. The orientation explicitly tells people to avoid outing fellow group members and gives several strategies for doing so.)
Friday was Slutcracker with Ellie. We left the house late, and then there was epic traffic, and then there was nowhere to park in Davis Square. I whined a lot about how it would've been faster to take the T. Not true, actually (epic train failure), and I calmed down quite a bit once we found a parking place and squeezed in some dinner before the show, even if it was just Chipotle.
Last night we went to the TNG munch at Diesel. Did not run out of social, hooray! And now I have some new friends on Fetlife. But we didn't get home until after 11, which was bad.
Joan gave a short lesson on processing in the context of our institution and what we collect, and our increasing tendency to scan everything. Then there was pizza and chatter and office party.
- All in a Name: New Software Benefits Transgender Students
The new software, created as an adjunct to the Banner student information system, allows students to fill out a form specifying their preferred name and pronoun. The information appears on all paperwork seen by faculty, so petitioning professors individually, a process that gave students no choice but to out themselves, is a thing of the past.
- via naraht: The Dunbar Number as a Limit to Group Sizes
My anecdotal evidence generally seems to support the idea that group sizes will usually plateau at a number lower than 150 participants. This comes from 20 years of doing facilitation both on and offline, running several software companies, and running various forums at America Online. In particular, many online communities provide good evidence for Dunbar's Number actually being an upper limit (either due to reduced efficiency or due to increased dispersion).
- dw_news: Weekly Update: 30 Sept
* Code Push
* More DW Creativity
* RIP, Vox
* DW Advocacy
* Icon Renames
- Dreamwidth Wiki: Advocacy
- denise: DW artisans
- via wordweaverlynn: Kink Aware Professionals
Work, mostly. solarcat and I are going to Garment District and maybe some other places this weekend, for Killjoys costuming purposes. (I also need to figure out a Ramona Flowers costume, since Cory has decided that's what we're doing for Halloween, since I'll be in Grand Forks and all.)
Ellie and I spent some time last night talking about our plans for revamping the apartment. The main thrust is to make our space better for our creative pursuits. So much of it depends on her having the time and spoons to build new furniture, so no idea when any of it will get done. I can post an outline of our plans, with crappy diagrams, if anyone is interested.
- via saystheheart: Safeword, the s&m superhero
- Married to the Sea: new uniforms
- via cofax7: Gerald M. Weinberg: What’s Been the Effect of Banning My Stuff?
Whatever it was intended to do, banning things increases interest. When one of the Pope’s Cardinals banned The DaVinci Code, lagging sales picked up and made a few more millions for Mr. Brown. Banning Harry Potter had a similar effect for Ms. J. K. Rowling, now richer than the Queen.
(Tangent: I once got to attend one of Jerry's workshops. He and my dad go pretty far back; we would usually pay him a visit when we took our road trips to New Mexico. Jerry knew I was working on a novel, he was running a writing workshop and it was going to be pretty fiction-oriented, and he hadn't seen Dad in a while. So Dad and I took a week off work/school and went. It was awesome.)
(And another tangent: Wow has my life been full of fantastic opportunities and experiences that resulted directly from grown-ups taking a chance on me. Including my current job.)
I am considering StrowlerCon, but would need roommates. I also need to run it past Ellie and see if she wants in.