sofiaviolet | Entries tagged with sex and sexuality

HELLO THERE. WE HEARD U NEED THIS.
DON’T WORRY, WE LOVE YOU.
EVERY PART OF YOU BELONGS TO YOU.

***

I'm going to give you some breathing room after that short story.

epershand: Feminism, sex-positivity, and sexual prescriptivism

Normative people are not the problem. The systems that describe the norm, coerce people into it, and punish those who don't comply, are the problem. People (and companies, cough legos reference cough) are a problem to the extent that they engage in enforcement and punishment. But compliance with a rule doesn't necessarily imply being duped by it. And enforcement and punishment can come just as often and just as vindictively in defense of counter-cultural norms.

What is cultural appropriation

What’s being appropriated in *cultural appropriation* isn’t the things themselves — the images, stories, artefacts, themes, etc. — it’s the capacity of people of oppressed groups to determine the meaning, scope, usage, and future of those things. Cultural appropriation involves taking over peoples’ control over representations of themselves. Cultural appropriation is an attack on cultural autonomy and self-determination, backed up by historically constructed domination.

Today, I slept in, and then I did housework. Floors still need sweeping and trash needs to go out, but I am not taking out the trash in my pyjamas with my hair slathered in Manic Panic and tucked under a plastic shower cap.

No more Battletech for me, for a while at least. Daly is burnt out, and a crispy-fried GM is not a happy or effective GM. So I'll miss that, but on the bright side, I could finally attend one of the trauma survivors munches.

The Pervocracy: Condom Failure.

Nope. All "perfect use" means in the case of condoms is using them every time, and using them for the entire duration of PIV sex. There's a few more catches--you shouldn't reuse condoms, you should throw them away instead of turning them inside out if you put them on wrong the first time, you should use lube but nothing oil-based, and you shouldn't double-bag--but honestly, most of those are statistically minor. The biggest factor in "perfect use" of condoms is actually using them.

Notes

... oops? Kind of fell off the face of the earth there. I've been fine, just busy.

Question

For how many days after having an IUD inserted can one expect to have cramps? (IUD went in Tuesday evening. By Friday, I was down from NSAIDs-like-clockwork to NSAIDs-as-needed, but I'm still having to take something at least once a day. Seems to still be in place and I have had no bleeding/spotting whatsoever, so I am not worried, just annoyed.)

Training

( Survivor Speakers Bureau )

Links

( four: attraction, sexism, privacy, appropriation )

Plans

None for tonight; weekly Battletech got canceled due to GM illness. Tomorrow I have a few errands to run after work. I also have room-cleaning and furniture-moving to do before my mom arrives on Saturday.

21 Days of Dreamwidth

5. How about when you're not on the computer?

Work. Concerts. Etc. My offline social life is mainly arranged over the internet, although I do have random encounters with some of my friends on the Orange Line (the benefits of going to the same school and living in the same area).

6. What do you wish people who read your journal knew about you?

... you people probably know more about me that anyone except maybe my sister and my boyfriend.

Links

( kink, ad-supported devices, mental illness and medication, filk, reproductive rights )

Plans

Capture the flag, followed by ice cream. Everybody cheer for JP! We are going to destroy Camberville.

First round of bleach is done; it's been months since I redid my roots and I decided to move some of my purple around. So everything is hideous right now! I'll let it dry, run a comb through it, and see where needs more bleach. Then (depending on how late I want to stay up/how early I want to get up tomorrow) purple! And probably black to cover up a few sections of retired purple and any bleach oopsies.

Quizzical Pussy: Be little.

Think you’re better than one fucking person on this planet? Feel innately more correct, important, or that you occupy a moral high ground over any one group of people based on sex, age, weight, race, religion or lack thereof, sexual identity, orientation, or, hell, political affiliation? Bless your heart, all toddlers think they’re the center of the universe! You’re just a tiny bit behind, darling. Once you grow up a little you’ll let go of that and be a normal, healthy person.

It’s not being condescending. It’s being optimistic.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex: Logical But Not Necessarily Intuitive: Boundaries and Consent Go Both Ways

Bottom line: We don’t usually think of boundaries and consent as moving in the direction of the top, or in heterosexual relationships as working towards the man. But boundaries are boundaries and consent is consent and when they’re confronted it’s important that they be respected regardless of who’s boundaries they are or who’s consent is required.

Installed a pill reminder widget on my computer. It is totally worth the $2 I spent on it. I haven't missed anything since setting up the alerts.

Links

cereta: Fat and Angry: Now a trilogy (discusses various fat-shaming techniques used by loved ones, in order to debunk them)

Fat and Angry Part III: To Those Who Love Us

I know I am never going to reach the people who are genuinely cruel and are just using concern as an excuse to exercise that cruelty. This is for the friends, family members, and loved ones who genuinely want to be kind, want to help us, want to find the right tactic to make us understand why we must lose weight and how to do so.

In a word: don’t.

firecat: Oversimplification of other people's sexuality is the anti-viagra (a nice comprehensive set of quotes about Ogas and Gaddam's further adventures in Fail)

Ellie has found a new grocery store, which is good because it's closer and has better produce, but bad because it's not near anything else (that we know of). (Seriously, we switch grocery stores basically every year. At our old place, we went to the one in walking distance. The first year we lived in JP, we needed a T-accessible supermarket. After Ellie got a car, we started going to South Bay because there were other stores (like Home Depot) nearby. Then we switched allegiance to Dedham - Home Depot along the way, BJ's down the road.)

forthwritten: fanfiction and my younger self

And so, when we were about 16 or 17, one of my friends discovered fanfiction in general and slash fiction in particular. In a way, we used it as a silent, secret rebellion, swapping these stories underground (no, really; our common room was in a basement). It fascinated me. Here were stories about people who presented as female one day and male the next, who loved people of their gender, who negotiated sex, who didn't have happily-ever-afters but who had to talk and argue and reconfigure their friendship. The screen did not coyly fade to black and the story often did not end with sex; instead, there were morning-afters and misunderstandings and confusion that had to be resolved. The people had agency and were active participants and, as the_shoshanna notes, sex did not fundamentally change them.

denise:

dw_suggestions: A User's Guide

So, you want to learn more about the dw_suggestions process! This entry will be made the "sticky entry" in the dw_suggestions community (replacing the existing one, which was starting to show its age) to serve as an introduction to the Suggestions process, Dreamwidth development, and just what the heck people should be keeping in mind while they're discussing things here.

dw_maintenance: New imports temporarily stopped; import queue paused

We are therefore temporarily pausing the existing import jobs until the traffic clears up some and we are able to further modify the importer so that it is even less of a load on LJ. We are also temporarily stopping the ability to queue new imports, so that once we bring the import queue back up, it will give the queue the chance to clear a bit. (Also, we'd like to minimize the impact on LJ.)

Now to assemble a Powerpoint for tomorrow's mini-lecture on Maria Callas, Renata Tebaldi, and Teh Famous Rivalry!!!! (Wondering whether it would be cool to play an aria and make the class guess which of them is singing it...)

Oof. Spend 30-ish hours finishing a paper and being at work, and you wind up with 50 open tabs after you skip 120 entries back. (Back when I was primarily reading on LJ, I would have had to skip farther back but I wouldn't have needed to open as many tabs.)

internets

Dreamwidth invite code, free for the taking, or check

dw_codesharing.

Warning: the queue for the importer is really backed up right now because so many people want to import and because LJ doesn't have the resources to give the import tool what it's asking for. If you can wait to import, please do.

What to do with Dreamwidth: a list of tutorials and information

Follow Friday

leverage_flashfic! The Leverage panel at Muskrat Jamboree wanted a flashfic comm and I volunteered to run it. No one has posted fic yet, but I am soliciting prompts.

ao3some, which may win for best comm name.

lj_refugees

dw_community_promo is hosting a communities-only version of Follow Friday.

Links

melannen: Love & Marriage

One thing I love in a good SF story is ways of doing love, marriage, and romance that don't buy in to our society's idea of love+romance+sex+monogamy all on one single person as the only way to do it.

denise: (no subject)

I've seen people wondering why imports are taking so @)#$(*& long. This might help shed some light:

synecdochic: LiveJournal's DDoS and Russian Politics

So, people who grumble about "the Russians" taking over LJ should remember that in Russia, LiveJournal isn't just the top blogging platform, it's the blogging platform. It is Russia's free press. It is the tool being used to fight corruption and advance the cause of democracy. And, more practically to LJ users, the Russian-speaking sector of LJ is the reason LJ is still there at all.

helens78: Vote Ticky!

I am in favor of tickys because tickys are a form of communication. They can help engender community and relationships in a way that can enhance comments rather than replacing them or taking away from them. When someone isn't commenting, it's impossible to know if it's because they're lost for words, aren't on a platform suitable for lengthy comments (how many users read the site from smartphones now?), don't have a lot of spoons, have to conserve typing time... or aren't reading and don't care. Seeing people's names crop up repeatedly in tickys helps us discover who out there is giving us their time and attention, and can be a greatly-appreciated form of support, even or especially in times when hearing many individual comments -- and feeling obliged to respond to each of them -- can feel overwhelming.

EDIT:

dw_maintenance: LiveJournal slowdowns/DDoS affecting importer, crossposts

( Read more... )

Dogs of the 9th Ward dog rescue

Yes Means Yes: Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer

I just read a paper from the discipline of conversation analysis. It dovetails nicely with what I wrote in Talking Past Each Other, and I’m going to go through some of the findings (I can’t redistribute the paper itself), and talk about some conclusions. Long story short: in conversation, “no” is disfavored, and people try to say no in ways that soften the rejection, often avoiding the word at all. People issue rejections in softened language, and people hear rejections in softened language, and the notion that anything but a clear “no” can’t be understood is just nonsense. First, the notion that rape results from miscommunication is just wrong. Rape results from a refusal to heed, rather than an inability to understand, a rejection. Second, while the authors of the paper say that this makes all rape prevention advice about communicating a clear “no” pointless, I have a different take. Clear communication of “no” isn’t primarily going to avoid miscommunication — rather, it’s a meta-message. Clear communication against the undercurrent that “no” is rude and should be softened is a sign of the willingness to fight, to yell, to report.

sasha_feather: The Power of the Right Metaphor

The presenter, whose name I unfortunately do not recall, let the discussion go on for a bit before stopping it. She said, and I paraphrase, "All of the medical details can get confusing and upsetting, so I like to use a metaphor. Imagine you are caring for your elderly grandmother. It's difficult to get her up and down the stairs and into the tub because she is a tall woman. So, to fix this problem, you decide to cut off her legs to make her smaller."

Alt.Share

Alt.Share is an unconference on April 3rd, 12:30pm-4:30pm at the Boston University Women’s Resource Center based on the idea that sexuality affects all aspects of life and that anyone with the desire to learn has the right to do so and has something to contribute to this open environment.

elusis: Privilij denyin kitteh has invisibul knapsak

The Curvature: Louisiana Law Forces Many Sex Workers to Register as Sex Offenders

Because of the way that sex workers are generally made vulnerable to violence, as well as the ways that prisoners face frequent sexual assault, the most callous part of this practice may be the fact that such large numbers of those forced to register as sex offenders for non-violent offenses are victims of sexual violence themselves. Most of the women and men profiled in these articles talk about having been raped, whether as adults or children, whether by clients or family members, by prison guards or fellow prisoners. They must register as sex offenders, be unable to find employment or residences, face harassment and assault, and bear scarlet letters on their identification while at the same time, probably all of their actual rapists do not have to do the same. They have not only been raped, but been given their rapists’ punishments. They have not only been raped, but told that they are like, or perhaps worse than, their actual rapists.

Interview went well, whee!

Bostonography: Three-decker diffusion
I have a fondness for triple-deckers now that I live in one.

synecdochic: [fic] P3, "on a bed where the moon has been sweating"
Go. Read. You don't need to know anything about the fandom or the characters to love this.

The Pursuit of Harpyness: bisexual invisibility: a new report

The San Francisco Human Rights Commission LGBT Advisory Committee has recently released a report, Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations (PDF) that reviews the existing research on bisexuality as a sexual orientation and discusses the experience of bisexuals within the queer community and society at large.

cluegirl: An Open Letter to the Men of America and the World, on the Subject of My Feminism;

In short, gentlemen of the world, I am a feminist because I respect you more than the society in which we live respects you. And because I see no reason whatsoever why you could not, or should not live up to that respect. Some of you do so, and regularly. Some of you exceed my respect, and impress me all the time. But others of you persist in coasting along at the level of the lowest common denominator, making cheap jokes, taking cheap shots, settling for cheap sexual encounters, and generally cheapening yourselves for the illusion of tribal acceptance, for the notion that the bros will somehow back you up when it counts, and so the hos don't matter much. Even though you know, deep down, that you're better than that.

I know you're better than that too, and I will accept no bullshite excuses for acting like a coward, like a bully, like a jerk, like a rapist, like a liar, like a user, like a player, like a creep. You're better than that, and I will accept nothing less than your best from you.

And that is why I will always be a feminist.

Much of this essay annoys me, but I want to reproduce this quote:

But, in the digital world, you get to decide exactly who to be, where to go, and how to behave. This can be problematic if you try to create an entirely new persona (it’s a dishonest and unsustainable representation of yourself), but when wielded skillfully, it can propel the real you to new heights. Rather than create a whole new you, create the best you. Choose the traits you like about yourself, and exemplify them online. Let the less attractive qualities fall by the wayside. Place yourself in a digital environment that will allow you to flourish.

When I focus on creating an improved digital version of me, I find those qualities actually start to carry over into my physical self.

This is actually something I did in my offline life, parallel to beginning and sustaining my online life. I've referred to the name 'Sofia Blackthorne' (which I use in any context where my legal name is not required and where explaining myself won't be absurd) as an aspirational identity, by which I mean: I had an idea of who my ideal Me was, and I continued to develop that ideal self, and I named it so I'd have easier access to it all.

( links and stuff )

Now to get ready for my interview. It's going to be great but I am still super-nervous, of course.

Actual update soon, I hope.

( 8 links )

I've had a headache for most of the weekend, spent waaaaaaay too long trying to sleep the headache off, and then it took Ellie and I all afternoon to get groceries (we hit Allandale Farms, Whole Foods, BJ's, and Stop-n-Shop. Plus Home Depot so she could price some set-building stuff).

All in a Name: New Software Benefits Transgender Students
The new software, created as an adjunct to the Banner student information system, allows students to fill out a form specifying their preferred name and pronoun. The information appears on all paperwork seen by faculty, so petitioning professors individually, a process that gave students no choice but to out themselves, is a thing of the past.
via naraht: The Dunbar Number as a Limit to Group Sizes
My anecdotal evidence generally seems to support the idea that group sizes will usually plateau at a number lower than 150 participants. This comes from 20 years of doing facilitation both on and offline, running several software companies, and running various forums at America Online. In particular, many online communities provide good evidence for Dunbar's Number actually being an upper limit (either due to reduced efficiency or due to increased dispersion).
dw_news: Weekly Update: 30 Sept
* Development
* Code Push
* More DW Creativity
* RIP, Vox
* DW Advocacy
* Icon Renames
Dreamwidth Wiki: Advocacy

denise: DW artisans

via wordweaverlynn: Kink Aware Professionals

Notes

Not dead! Back in Boston since Saturday, and already caught up on things!

Recently

Just finished eating half the curry I made tonight; the other half is in the fridge. I am going to bring it to work tomorrow. Leftovers for lunch - it's almost like I'm a real grown-up!

Ellie and I went to the mall yesterday. We were supposed to get clothes for her. Instead, we got clothes for me. /o\ On the other hand, Hello Kitty rain boots in grown-up sizes, fuck yes.

I continue to experiment with purple hair. Attempt 3 (dark purple over failed single-process bleach-and-purple) is the best yet but still not quite right.

Grand Forks

( Spent nearly every waking moment with C., got to see my family, consumed much media. Was not really online. )

Relationship Stuff

( :D! )

We're planning more visits, and I convinced C. to install Skype. But I think my journal will stop being All About My Boyfriend now; he'll show up from time to time along with other important people in my life.

Memery

From Ask Me Anything:

Looking back, are you comfortable with the way you reacted when your sister came out to you?

Not really. :( I could have done more. I am especially disappointed with how little help I was to her in 2006/2007, her last year of high school, while she was trying to figure things out. True, I didn't have nearly as much knowledge of gender and trans* issues then, but I probably still could have been more supportive than I actually was.

But as far as her actual coming-out? I think I did okay then, although I didn't adjust to name-and-pronouns as fast as I would have liked, even if there is a specific reason for it (trying not to out her to Mom and Dad before she had the chance to tell them herself).

Links

( 10 links )

Plans

Figure out Netflix. Buy more $5 vermouth for cooking.

Recently

While I am still theoretically AFK, C. is playing video games so I'm online. Heh.

We've watched The Guild, Dr. Horrible (again), and Stranger Than Fiction. Yesterday, we saw Scott Pilgrim (and I suspect we might wind up seeing it again). Plus, you know, hanging out and stuff. :)

Scott Pilgrim

( So apparently I'm Ramona Flowers. (Not a review, may contain very basic spoilers.) )

Links

( 4 links )

Plans

C. and I are getting dinner with some more of his friends tonight. I still need to call my relatives and make plans with them.

Notes

I'll be out of town August 14-21. While I'll have internet access, I have no idea how much I'll be online. But rest assured I'll catch up even if I can't keep up.

Recently

Bosses and one reference desk person are away for the Society of American Archivists conference. Work is freakishly quiet.

Busy couple of days. Tuesday morning, I hauled a box of fun surprises to the post office (since the TSA probably frowns on taking rope in your carry-on), went to work, and then went to Diesel to meet up with shadesong and receive my BARCC auction winnings: a lovely flogger. After that, I ran into Andra and spent forever telling her about C. (she kept asking questions, and I am still flush with omgyay).

Yesterday I got some purple dye, and this morning before work, I put it in my hair to see what it would do. Not a lot, as it turns out: my hair is too dark. Now it's even darker, with something of a blue cast to it. While kinda disappointing, it's not actually surprising, and it's definitely not a bad result.

Leaving for Grand Forks at stupid o'clock Saturday morning. Clothes are basically picked out, and toiletries are selected and quart-size bagged.

Memes

Still open for questions.

I know so little about you, I'm afraid my question is quite pedestrian! What would your dream job be?

Pretty close to what I'm doing right now. I want to be an archivist full-time, as my real grownup job. But I'm not thrilled with the idea of meetings and managing other people, which my bosses at work have to do. I just want to work with the collections.

Placeholder

I want to write about "lazy femme," which is what I call my gender presentation. In short: I like things like skirts and makeup, but I don't generally bother with these more effortful bits of gendered plumage.

( 11 links )

Plans

More packing, go to bed, sleep, get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, finish packing, go to bed, get up, get on airplane, arrive in Grand Forks, get laid.

Notes

Ask Me Anything still open for questions.

Recently

Ellie has painted the front room! It's light blue now, instead of salmon. I approve.

Also, I'm sneezing myself to death. IDK why. *drowning in own snot*

( 7 links )

Notes

Yeah, I know. But getting used to the full-time job has been really rough this time around. IDK.

The BARCC Blogathon auctions are running through 2010-08-03, 17:00 Eastern.

Recently

Work was fun today. In that special way where my eyes aren't used to contacts yet and I spent the whole day using a computer, and also in the way where one of the door alarms was going off pretty much all day because it was broken.

I was supposed to go to a concert tonight, but I just could not manage it. :( I napped instead. After I write this post, I'm going to go back to bed.

Signs I am tired: I am trying to read my dreamroll using ?ship=300. /o\

Retail Therapy

I ordered some stuff from Fire Mountain Gems over the weekend, and it shipped today. \o/ So that'll be here next Monday, approximately. Unfortunately, I can't bring my travel jewelry kit to Grand Forks. I don't think the TSA would approve of my pliers. :( :( :( Plus I am only bringing a carry-on. DNW to pay stupid fee for checked bag.

Interactive!

Ask Me Anything: You get to ask me any one question. Any question, which I will answer to the best of my ability without violating anyone else's privacy. I am the only person who can see the poll responses.

Poll #4000

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 2

Ask me anything!

( 4 links )

OH GOD FINALLY I AM CAUGHT UP. I only had to go to skip=620 to do it.

Apologies for my epic failure at updating; I don't like to post when I'm behind on my reading. And speaking of my dreamroll... I am having to cut down on my subscriptions because I am overwhelmed. Bleh full-time job. I love my work, but I also love my internets. It is a sad time for me.

Important things:

Every year, shadesong does Blogathon for the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center. Her fundraising includes a charity auction; I have three pieces in the mix this year: Chains and Crippling Shoes, We Met in February, and The Awful Feeling of Knowing You Don't Remember No. Plus lots of other really lovely things that you should go and bid on!
I am going to Grand Forks! I'll be staying with C. and will also take the opportunity to hang out with Ellen and Greg, since I missed them in New Orleans this year. I am not sure what that will do to my internet time: on the one hand, C. and I will probably be very occupied with each other, but on the other hand, I can easily see us just chilling together with our laptops for a little while every day. At any rate, I will be out of Boston from August 14th to August 21st.
Speaking of C., we are now officially in a relationship! We put it on Facebook and everything. Current relationship status is "open" although there's an unspoken expectation that we'll be functionally monogamous at least until we can talk about it in person. There will be a more *ahem* detailed update later - hooray for filters.

( links )

April 2014

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20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30

Page Summary

txtbx

Not nice, but friendly.

right between the scapulae, back of the heart

Entries tagged with sex and sexuality

Navigation

Notes

Question

Training

Links

Plans

21 Days of Dreamwidth

Links

Plans

Links

internets

Follow Friday

Links

Notes

Recently

Grand Forks

Relationship Stuff

Memery

Links

Plans

Recently

Scott Pilgrim

Links

Plans

Notes

Recently

Memes

Placeholder

Plans

Notes

Recently

Notes

Recently

Retail Therapy

Interactive!

Important things:

Links

Page Summary

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