picked a handful of violets in my name

Roommate search may wind up resolved by boyfriend moving in. (We need to discuss it seriously, but that'll keep until the end of the month when he's actually here - especially since my phone is old and bitchy and drops calls like a motherfucker.)

As we've been long-distance for three years now (and have spent a total of 2-3 months actually in each other's presence over those three years): Separate. Bedrooms. I need my spaaaaaaaaace. Also, there is no way whatsoever to fit another person in my room for real (not just a houseguest kipping on my futon).

It's been non-stop family togetherness since I last posted, including a trip to IKEA (we love IKEA). Since I like my family, this is fine by me.

( details by day )

Parents will be arriving tonight! They have a place to sleep - the futon in my room is clear of Piles Of Junk, and I just need to move my altar out of the bedroom to create sufficient floor area to unfold a sleeping surface. The couch in the living room needs clearing, though...

* Unfold futon
* Clear couch
* Clear dining room table

That should take care of our immediate space needs for sleep, socializing, and eating.

I am terribly congested and snotty and gross since last night. Ugh. I can never tell if I have a sinus infection until the snot turns abnormal colors - I don't feel any associated sinus pressure or pain. So far, it's looking more like Severe Allergies Attack! than illness.

My weekend has come to a satisfactory conclusion, with all work completed on time, even with social media sanity breaks. \o/

Ellie has decided to Clean All The Things. The apartment totally needed it, but it was a little stressful to come in from Special Work Event after lunchtime and find Even MOAR Stuff in my bedroom.

Also, today I talked to my mom about getting a new computer. My Macbook is five years old!* It's still a perfectly adequate computer for my needs, except for two problems:

1. The fan makes loud angry noises whenever the computer is sleeped/hibernated/shut down, carried in my bag, and woken up again.
2. The plastic case around the screen and keyboard/trackpad has begun to chip off. Including right under where my right wrists rests when I'm mousing.

But, as my mother needs a new computer (hers is so old she can't update past Firefox 2, and she's understandably worried about Bad Shit From The Internet), we have decided she can have the Macbook, since she won't be moving it around or using the trackpad.

So now my goal is to locate the best Macbook for the least money. We have determined that it is a worthwhile investment to get a better computer than I need Right Now, because said computer will serve me for more years.

* I have been pretty impressed with the longevity of the Macs I've owned. 6 years, 4 years (would have been longer but Evil Ex stepped on it and refused to admit it was his fault the screen died), over 6 years (since AFAIK the iBook I gave to Cameryn is still kicking), and 5 years. Mom's iMac is 7.

Made a rather small error in reading comprehension a few weeks ago (thought a primary source was from Corporate Body X, whose records have been digitized, but actually it was Corporate Body Y, whose records don't even have complete online finding aids), procrastinated on an assignment, and only discovered my error at the eleventh hour. I would have been massively sunk were it not for my kind-hearted parents, who went to the repository the very same day I called them in full freakout mode, and took photos of some very old documents for me.

Best parents ever, y/y? I am totally buying them a nice dinner when I go home for the holidays.

***

In other news, I wish to remind folks that I like to send holiday cards around this time of year! (Not that I have mailed any just yet, but I have loads of time.) I'm happy to send cards anywhere USPS will let me, and I am also happy to send you a card even if you're not doing your own "mail stuff to people from the internet" thing.

***

I have a speaking engagement later this month at my undergraduate institution - in my old dorm, no less. I'm not really nervous about it yet, but I'm sure I will be. I will probably do some practicing in the mirror, since I haven't done the full speech since I was trained over the summer.

Notes

My parents have been here for the past two weeks, and then my internet connection spent a couple of days being pissy, and then I had other shit to do. But I'm back!

Parents

It was a good visit! We did many fun things, such as go to museums (Museum of Science with Ellie's kinda-sorta-girlfriend-I-think,* two three year olds, and the dad of the of the other three year old! MFA, wherein I learned exactly how intensely my dad does museums), elbow our way through the North End (I have been to concerts that were less crowded than those sidewalks, sheesh, also who the fuck drives in the North End are you fucking kidding me), etc.

* Yeah, I'm not sure what's up with that relationship thing, so I do not have a single-word term for it. It is very functional and they seem happy! It's also kind of hilarious (but possibly only to me, because of the sheer amount of TMI I have on Ellie's life and personal identity).

Thanks to a trip to Ikea and two carloads off to Goodwill, my room is in pretty good order! This is kind of miraculous. I still have too much stuff, but A) some kind of shift has occurred that unblocked my ability to get rid of things I don't need and B) I have improved my storage capabilities.

An important note: if you are planning to rearrange some furniture, and are drawing something out on paper, make sure your measurements are correct. We were off by two feet.

Grad School

I am not sure why advising needed to be an all-day process, but it was. There was assorted fuckery related to my being listed with the wrong concentration and assigned to the wrong advisor, but I did have the proper advising experience I was supposed to. Then there was the unrelated fuckery of not enough seats in classes, the end results of which are that I'm taking core library classes in a slightly different but still completely reasonable order than I'd originally thought, and I am still waiting to hear which history class I've been placed in (they needed volunteers to take Methods some time other than first semester, and one of the alternatives was a women's and gender history course, so I volunteered, but we're being manually registered and I haven't received an email about it yet).

There were two really bright spots in my day: I think I met a friend of a former schoolmate (one year ahead of me, so we weren't really friends), and one of the professors pinged my "you are from the internet" radar. Also there was ice cream and I got to go to work for a little while afterwards.

Work

Boss is departing; she'll still be available to advise us but today was her last real workday. This makes me the second most senior employee in the archives. I am deeply unsettled by that.

I am processing a new collection... three new collections... six collections? There are three organizations who donated their records, so there will be three collections. There are six accessions right now, because sometimes they gave us stuff in multiple batches. Some stuff will need to be moved between accessions because it belongs to one of the other organizations. Sorting that out will be the easy part.

The third organization was created by the merger of the other two, which helps to explain the cross-pollination of materials and also makes it a little harder to deal with it. Furthermore, each of those orgs is the result of mergers and renamings of even older organizations, such that the final conglomerate can say it dates back to the 1800s. (The bulk of the collections is more modern, but there are items from the predecessor orgs and these are the oldest papers I have processed.) I am going to need a nice detailed organizational chart to make sure everything is housed where is belongs, is referenced where relevant, and is laid out sensibly and accurately in the finding aid. Fortunately for me, someone wrote a history of one of the orgs and all those materials are in the collection; a thank-you card to that person may be in order when I'm finally done.

(JP)

(That's supposed to represent those oval bumper stickers that usually have two-letter country abbreviations. Someone makes such a sticker for Jamaica Plain. I keep threatening to buy one for Ellie, to upgrade her Subaru wagon [Level One JP Vehicle] that now has a carseat for a small child [Level 2 JP Vehicle; can also qualify with one of those fences to keep your dog in the back] to a Level 3 JP Vehicle.)

Boomerangs has been holding a massive sale to empty the store ahead of planned renovations. I've paid them a visit every day since Tuesday; retail therapy works for me and thrift stores reduce the financial burden and potential for guilt. (I mostly look for things with violets on them. It's kind of a theme.) I also finally made it to one of our local botanicas, which I have been meaning to do for over three years (ever since we were apartment-hunting and I saw it out of the realtor's car window); unfortunately I think I kind of interrupted the owner's lunch. The botanica has a shop cat, whom I briefly petted when I walked in; I spent the rest of my time there being insistently headbutted in the ankles. Secretly I was delighted, because I almost always love cats more than they love me.

I also keep returning to City Feed for lunch. It is very pleasant to eat a ham and cheese sandwich and watch people walking by.

Turbo developed chronic kidney disease; Mom and Dad brought him in yesterday. He always loved going to the vet, especially when we were going on vacation so he got to stay there for a few days and have lots of social interaction. He got to hang out with one of his favorite vet techs yesterday. He was big for a Jack Russell - we thought he'd be smaller because we saw him alongside a bunch of Golden Retriever puppies - and he was never very healthy (allergic to people, other dogs, and out pre-Katrina lawn). But my mother still has three or so feral cats to look after, so that's something.

I've also realized that I am experiencing some twitchiness about my relationship, and engaging in some (logical but still not healthy) sabotaging behaviors. Not ready to blog about it, I don't think.

I'll be back in New Orleans in less than a month. I'm supposed to be working on my extended bibliography because I'm meeting with my advisor again on Wednesday, but today is just not the day for getting anything done. I made myself a sandwich and I sorted my stuff from the clean laundry and put it away. The rest of my day has been playing a silly little puzzle game over and over, and leaving a chat window open with Cory on the other end. It's comforting.

Quizzical Pussy: Legacy

I’m still a beaten girlfriend somewhere deep down.

I’m realizing who profoundly affected I really am by it all, to this day. My self-esteem was never great to begin with, but staying in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for years trained even that scant confidence out of me. And while, believe it or not, I’ve scraped a fair amount back for myself, if we’re making comparisons, I can’t escape the learned worthlessness that was my liturgy for so long.

Shakesville: My Point, Here It Is

When I ask a person not to engage in rape apologia in this space, because it is my space and I have not only not consented to host rape apologia here, but have also explicitly and repeatedly deemed it off-limits, and that person continues to engage in rape apologia nonetheless, without regard for my boundaries or personal autonomy, that's not exactly someone who's demonstrating a commitment to the notions of consent, autonomy, and respect.

That's someone who's leveraging the values of a rape culture to violate my boundaries.

That's someone who's acting like a fucking rapist.

Boston Area Rape Crisis Center Blog: Community Conversations

Rape is different than other types of violent crime. In my mind, rape is a lot like a hate crime, targeted at a particular group in order to scare and intimidate them. The reason we punish hate crimes differently than other crimes is because they affect the behavior of more than one person. An assault is always bad; we don't, as a society, condone assault (at least I hope we don't). But an assault perpetrated against a member of a particular community, let's say, or against a person of a particular ethnic background and infused with the intent to intimidate and scare everyone else who shares that background causes a lot more ripples than an assault that doesn't have that motivation. I can be scared of crime when I leave my house, but I'm not afraid that someone will specifically target me because of my gender or race. I don't have to worry that someone, seeking to work out their own misogyny or racism will choose to do violence on my body to satisfy their own issues. If I did, you'd better bet that it would change my behavior. I'd be a whole hell of a lot more careful about what I said, where I went, and how I acted.

thingswithwings: how to defend against accusations of hating queers

Anyway, this is just a rambling list of examples, but I guess I'm listing them just because it frustrates me so much, the way these creators are all huge fucking cowards who aren't brave enough to write a queer character into their children's book, their tv show, their novel; huge fucking cowards who blame the episode running long or the whims of the story itself (the story just never went there! it's like novels are magical creatures with self-determined lives of their own and not texts written by people!) for the fact that queerness is reduced to subtextual or extratextual appearances; huge fucking cowards who will use this not-quite-queer not-quite-not-queer kind of character to simultaneously protect themselves from criticism (if Dumbledore's not gay in the actual book, then his unrequited love for a monster isn't problematic) and protect themselves from the accusation that they fail to include queers. It's a giant pile of bullshit.

It is really cold in Boston today. And the entire MBTA died. (Well, the bus system seemed to be in good working order. It got me to campus, at any rate.)

I've mostly been going to class, decluttering, and being ill. Sinus infection. Which would have been fine if I had been sick and then got over it, but noooo. At least at this point I can breathe through my nose again.

( Here are some links that are kind of old, since I fell off the face of the earth between compiling them and updating my freaking journal )

And finally, the subject line... when Ellie and I were getting groceries on Saturday, I decided I would bring my lunch two days this week (Monday, when I have a break between classes, and Wednesday, when I have a break between work and class), and I decided I would bring ham and cheese sandwiches and salad. So we got bread and ham and I insisted (correctly) that we still had an unopened, unexpired package of Swiss cheese at home.

We were so desperately hungry when we got home that we tore into the lunch supplies. But there was still ham and cheese enough to make one more sandwich, which I could then eat on Monday, after which I would take myself to the store and replenish the supplies.

But she ate my sandwich! :( I slept really late yesterday, and when I woke up, she had forgotten that the whole reason we had the ham and bread in the first place was so I could have lunches, and she had eaten my sandwich.

So I'm so hungry my stomach is trying to digest itself and there's still ten minutes before the fast food joints in the student center open for lunch.

Aw, you guys! MCR is playing in Boston as a graduation present for me!! Their show is the night before commencement (which I have decided not to bother with).

I want to go to as many of their shows as possible. Definitely New York (which is on Mom's birthday and makes me so fucking sad they're not going to New Orleans), maybe Philadelphia (can do by bus but would rather have a ride); other possible shows that require I make buddies with a car-owner include Montreal, Sayreville, and D.C. Who out there will be driving to shows, preferably departing from Boston, and has room in their car for one tiny person who will chip in for gas, food, and lodgings?

I am sad that the Minneapolis show isn't a few days later; with no classes Tuesday and Friday plus Monday the 18th off, I could make it out there and introduce Cory to that side of myself. I am even sadder that Mom doesn't get a show. She might combine the Atlanta show with a visit to Fiona, Dan, and Maddie, but it's in the middle of a school week, and she's not going to drive to Texas.

Notes

Not dead! Back in Boston since Saturday, and already caught up on things!

Recently

Just finished eating half the curry I made tonight; the other half is in the fridge. I am going to bring it to work tomorrow. Leftovers for lunch - it's almost like I'm a real grown-up!

Ellie and I went to the mall yesterday. We were supposed to get clothes for her. Instead, we got clothes for me. /o\ On the other hand, Hello Kitty rain boots in grown-up sizes, fuck yes.

I continue to experiment with purple hair. Attempt 3 (dark purple over failed single-process bleach-and-purple) is the best yet but still not quite right.

Grand Forks

( Spent nearly every waking moment with C., got to see my family, consumed much media. Was not really online. )

Relationship Stuff

( :D! )

We're planning more visits, and I convinced C. to install Skype. But I think my journal will stop being All About My Boyfriend now; he'll show up from time to time along with other important people in my life.

Memery

From Ask Me Anything:

Looking back, are you comfortable with the way you reacted when your sister came out to you?

Not really. :( I could have done more. I am especially disappointed with how little help I was to her in 2006/2007, her last year of high school, while she was trying to figure things out. True, I didn't have nearly as much knowledge of gender and trans* issues then, but I probably still could have been more supportive than I actually was.

But as far as her actual coming-out? I think I did okay then, although I didn't adjust to name-and-pronouns as fast as I would have liked, even if there is a specific reason for it (trying not to out her to Mom and Dad before she had the chance to tell them herself).

Links

( 10 links )

Plans

Figure out Netflix. Buy more $5 vermouth for cooking.

OH GOD FINALLY I AM CAUGHT UP. I only had to go to skip=620 to do it.

Apologies for my epic failure at updating; I don't like to post when I'm behind on my reading. And speaking of my dreamroll... I am having to cut down on my subscriptions because I am overwhelmed. Bleh full-time job. I love my work, but I also love my internets. It is a sad time for me.

Important things:

• Every year, shadesong does Blogathon for the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center. Her fundraising includes a charity auction; I have three pieces in the mix this year: Chains and Crippling Shoes, We Met in February, and The Awful Feeling of Knowing You Don't Remember No. Plus lots of other really lovely things that you should go and bid on!
• I am going to Grand Forks! I'll be staying with C. and will also take the opportunity to hang out with Ellen and Greg, since I missed them in New Orleans this year. I am not sure what that will do to my internet time: on the one hand, C. and I will probably be very occupied with each other, but on the other hand, I can easily see us just chilling together with our laptops for a little while every day. At any rate, I will be out of Boston from August 14th to August 21st.
• Speaking of C., we are now officially in a relationship! We put it on Facebook and everything. Current relationship status is "open" although there's an unspoken expectation that we'll be functionally monogamous at least until we can talk about it in person. There will be a more *ahem* detailed update later - hooray for filters.

( links )