Feeling better.

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 03:19
sofiaviolet: xkcd: stick figure in front of computer and text: Late? It's barely 3am! (up late)
Have accumulated 132 plays of songs from the new MSI album. Today. And that's not counting the time I listened to the whole thing on their myspace.

Surprisingly good music for writing a three-essay take-home final. IDEK.

Speaking of which, take-home final is nearly done. I have to write a paragraph about Jews in Vienna, and a conclusion for that essay (compare attitudes toward Jews in Vienna, Prague, and Budapest), and then I'm done.

So my tomorrow will be waking up, finishing that essay, taking a shower, attempting to find erasers for Dad's pencil, going to UHCS and making an appointment with either my usual prescriber or the one she recommended because she doesn't work over the summer, going to the library and printing out my exam, and dropping it off.

Also, go tell me what to write! You can ask me for more info if you want. Because when I get home tomorrow, I'll be able to work on it! Aiming to have something postable by June.

Originally published at The Love Letter Sessions. You can comment here or there.

sofiaviolet: Seriously, how did you get to be this age without dying of stupid? (how are you not dead of stupid?)
Do you guys want the whole saga of how NStar fails?

I came home from class to find the power out. I fumbled around my room for a minute, but it's so dark in there that there was no way I could put my hands on an old bill. And no electricity means no internet, so that's out.

I called Mom, but she didn't answer her phone, so I called Dad and made him look up the phone number. Called, reported my power out, signed up to get a call whenever they had more info. Poked at the circuit breakers.

Got two calls back almost immediately. One from the automated system saying that repairs in my area should be done by 7, and one from an actual person saying that it was just my apartment, call the landlord.

Went down to the basement to see if there was anything else I could poke. Found an orange tag on the doorknob saying they had disconnected one meter because they had no record of anyone using it, or something like that.

Found nothing to poke at, so I called the landlord. Confused the shit out of him because he actually knows me as Sofia, not [legalname]. He said NStar had disconnected a random meter that only served two lights or something, but he'd call them in the morning.

Went back inside, called Dad again. He talked me through the circuit panel, to no avail. Then he sent me to look at the meters, but they're inside and behind a door I don't have a key to.

Went back inside, left my bedroom light "on," and took a nap. At a quarter past 7, no power and no new updates. I have a paper due tomorrow; my laptop's battery lasts about two and a half hours; my paper has already taken two and a half hours tonight and it's not quite done (I could turn it in as is, but I want to add more facts and bring it back within the page limit).

So I decided to haul myself back to campus, where I am right now. I left the apartment and couldn't help seeing the apartment next to me.

And their goddamn lights on.

NStar disconnected the wrong fucking meter.

And of course there's no one in the office after five. So I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start calling until I get someone real. It's gonna be really fun trying to take a shower in a room with no windows.


All I wanna know is whose bill I've been paying. Because I have been paying one.

Originally published at The Love Letter Sessions. You can comment here or there.

sofiaviolet: drawing of three violets and three leaves (Default)
I find myself feeling a bit sad and wistful at random. IDK. Maybe it's seasonal.

It fucks my writing mojo all to hell, and yet somehow I have written a little today. A page and a half in a wide-ruled composition book, but it's more than I manage some days. Even better, I know where I want it to go. It's not just a cute scene, there's a story. I'm stopped in the middle of something, and I'll be able to pick it up again, and keep it going.

I have some new ideas about structure, but I want to get the story down before I try anything fancy.

Back to it, then.


ETA: Wrote another four pages, for a grand total of five and a half. Also, I need to make a playlist for this thing. Because it's all very good to put all 3500 songs in my iTunes on shuffle, but skipping through shit that's just completely wrong for the story takes way too much time and messes with my flow.

Tomorrow, between classes, I might be able to finish enough of this thing to start the structural experiment I mentioned above. Fingers crossed.
sofiaviolet: candy hearts from a prescription bottle (and now the red ones make me fly)

I still have the same sore throat/cough/congestion that I’ve been dealing with for-fucking-ever. Argh. I’ve been sleeping twelve hours a day and not getting any better.

And that sleep schedule makes it really fucking hard to take my meds twice a day like I’m supposed to. Wellbutrin makes it harder for me to fall asleep, so I don’t take it within a couple of hours of when I plan to go to bed. Then I ran out and ran into insurance problems. I did get a partial refill that will get me through Monday, by which time the insurance bullshit ought to be sorted.

So it’s been a shitty few days. I didn’t spend as much time with Cory as I might have otherwise, and I’ve been doing a whole lot of nothing. I did manage to get a Wordpress blog set up, and I did a crapload of behind-the-scenes stuff on all parts of my site (managed to fix the problem where trying to access sofiaviolet.com/foo without the trailing slash redirected to sofiaviolet.nfshost.com/foo/, and now I don’t have ten thousand files all called index.html), and I added little bits of stuff and fixed broken links at Auriel. Because that’s all I can accomplish when I feel blah. (I did a huge amount of the work on my site when I was depressed last year. I’d work until the wee hours, and then not get up for class. *headdesk*)

I set my alarm clock today. Got up three minutes before it went off. \o/ I’ll get up even earlier tomorrow, and on Monday I’ll be able to make it to class!

Originally published at The Love Letter Sessions. You can comment here or there.

Obsessed much?

Saturday, December 8th, 2007 23:29
sofiaviolet: a classic tale of love, part-time jobs and public transport (this is in fact my life)
I am working on the Big Damn Map for Auriel. I combed through old versions of the BDM, and as of my deciding to update my lj, there are 128 streets named. I counted. /o\

Which sounds fucking awesome, right. And yet, 128 names covers all the east-west streets in the Eastern Sector, and less than a third of the north-south streets in the Eastern Sector, and absolutely nothing in the Western Sector.

I need ~400 names total. *headdesk* Fortunately I don't need a complete map to write stuff. I just need to remember to keep the map compliant with whatever is in the stories.

(Also interesting to note: apparently when I am this tired, I am suddenly dyslexic.)

(no subject)

Thursday, October 18th, 2007 21:57
sofiaviolet: the problem with reality is the lack of background music (background music)
Well, the good news is that I'm feeling much less fucked-up today. I'm still very jittery on a physical level, but my mind is calm like a shallow puddle in the absence of breeze, or something. Suffice to say, I feel zen enough that the fact that I forgot my binder in Curry before lunch was a mere annoyance and not a reason to panic.

Still waiting to hear back re: employment.

My response to Abby's critique = a full-on rewrite, and probably there will be author's notes-type things to explain why a couple of things were as they were. There's probably another page or two to go.
sofiaviolet: candy hearts from a prescription bottle (and the blue ones help me fall)
• I need to reschedule my appointment with the very nice lady who prescribes my anti-crazy pills, because an unexpected conflict has arisen. tl;dr about my twitchy mental state ) ETA: November 5th @ 9:30. Not bad.

• Looking over the assignment for Gender & Society a little more carefully: it says the preliminary bibliography and proposal are due the 26th in bold at the bottom of the page, but it says the 19th within the requirements for the research paper. Therefore I will shoot for the 19th because it's on the safe side and I can use the good academic karma. I have the books for my bibliography picked out; I just need two articles and to write my proposal and I can probably email it to her before class tomorrow. \o/

• Just for reference: voice posts can be 5 minutes long, and Paid and Permanent accounts can make 20 per calendar month (Plus accounts can make 5).

• It's been five weeks and six days since I got my ears pierced. I can has cute earrings!

• My mother sent me a check last week, which I thought was for the utility bill. But she called me this morning and said she was sending another one, specifically for that. So, I am confused. Mom, when you see this, can you comment/call me and remind me what the first check was for? (Add that to the Series of Unfortunate Side Effects: my memory has always been bad and now it's worse.)
sofiaviolet: candy hearts from a prescription bottle (and the blue ones help me fall)
Happy birthday, [livejournal.com profile] expastic.

If there weren't so many good things coming my way (remember, shh!!!!), I would be a very sad panda indeed. As it is, I'm just going to sleep ASAP because I have a headache.
sofiaviolet: drawing of three violets and three leaves (Default)
My new rule of thumb for laptops is: each new laptop's hard drive should be at least 5 times larger than its predecessor's. Current iBook (aka SATAN) has a hard drive 4 times bigger than First iBook, and I have run out of room with over a year left of my extended warranty. *headdesk*

I wrote my composition for Italian this morning, on no breakfast and not enough sleep. I had to google "so" and "same" for fuck's sake. So glad my job interview had to be rescheduled, not so glad that this delays gainful employment of me for at least a few days.

Apparently today is World Mental Health Day or something. Um. Thank god for the posts about it on my flist, otherwise I might've walked out of the house sans crazymeds. Speaking of which, I've been instructed to actually carry some Wellbutrin with me, in case I am out later than I expect or (far more likely) forget to take the morning dose and only realize it when the train pulls into Aquarium and I'm already running five minutes late to class.

To summarize:
Things Sofia's brain is good at: writing, remembering certain kinds of trivia and also song lyrics, keeping Sofia entertained when the outside world fails to do so, coordinating cute outfits.
Things Sofia's brain is bad at: interpersonal relationships, remembering anything that Sofia did more than two seconds but less than two weeks ago, remembering anything that Sofia did more than five years ago, maintaining happymaking levels of brain chemicals without assistance.

ETA: Tell me I'm a bad bad man this is a bad bad idea.
sofiaviolet: the problem with reality is the lack of background music (background music)
I remember it as through a window fogged over: newly sixteen and standing in the tool shed behind a friend's boyfriend's house, listening to their band. And in an indoor soccer arena, once, and several times in some old building whose original purpose I could never figure out (I only saw it after dark), which had no stage, just a patch of astroturf.

I perched in the back seat of her car, her hand out the windows holding a cigarette, a different punk cd in rotation every time we felt like it. I was deliriously happy that such awesome people thought little ol' me was cool enough to be included, and sometimes I think I might have been in love with all three of them.

Then they broke up (my friend and her boyfriend, and also the band), and I went to another school, and that was the end of that part of my life.

***


Then, there were the Libertines, less than six months later. I owe them a lot. I remember, fuzzily because the memory can block out acute misery as well as physical agony, being seventeen and sitting behind my boyfriend in math class, bored and depressed as fuck, taking shitty notes in black ballpoint. And eventually, I'd give up on trig because my mind was a wreck, and I'd start writing on my left hand and forearm. Lyrics, sometimes, and always always always libertine like a tattoo.

For six of the worst months of my life, they were everything to me, and I'm lucky to have had them. Not that they saved me from suicide, exactly, because I'm pretty sure I'm 100% incapable of killing myself no matter how much I want to. But they gave me enough bright moments during that time that I was more-or-less okay with waking up alive every morning. They got into me heart and soul, and I've never regretted it. (Got my sanity back on a temporary basis, after all, and a few half-decent poems too.)

***


And no matter how intense the high of my time being "with the band" nor the paradoxical low at a time when everything in my life should have been great, I'm kind of thankful that I can just sit back and listen, and be a devoted fan if I want, without needing it so badly.

Because as much as I love music, I love my independence a little more.

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