(no subject)

[sofiaviolet]

The Boston Area Rape Crisis Center is holding a training session on June 4th for its Survivor Speakers Bureau.

I should apply; I want to do that. I am afraid to apply; what if I can't?

Comments

[staranise]

If you can't, the world will not fall in and you will still be a good person.

I don't think you should push yourself into a place where you feel unable to deal with your discomfort or fear, but I also think sometimes life means looking at the worst-case scenario, deciding how you will live with that, and then gathering up your courage and taking the plunge.

[sofiaviolet]

Having slept on it, I think I will request info + application.

If I don't get the application in, or if I don't make the cut - there will be another training eventually should I want to try again.

[pinesandmaples]

There is no punishment for realizing that being part of the SSB is not for you, even during or after the training.

[sofiaviolet]

Well, there is guilt! But I am shockingly good at working through guilt and discarding it, considering I was raised Catholic.

I will ask for info, which may help me to make that call before the training.

[eledhwenlin]

But you will only know if you can after the training session.

I can only give you the piece of advice I always give myself when there's something I want to do, but that I'm afraid of: you will always regret the things you didn't do the most. There's no shame in trying something and failing, but if you never even try, you will always be ashamed.

And, bb, if you can't, if you go to the training and it doesn't work for you, these people won't judge you. They know what's it like.

*hugs*

[sofiaviolet]

I suppose I am less concerned with whether I can do it at all (because I can), but whether I can do it well (I am not known for my public speaking abilities, to say the least). So it's worth trying.

[erika]

Just FYI, I am in the process of starting volunteering for a crisis center and if you've been sexually assaulted, they will ask about it and ask if you're in therapy/you've dealt with it. If you can't answer that honestly with a yes, you probably have your answer.

[sofiaviolet]

I can't answer yes to therapy but I can offer a pretty solid yes to "dealt with it."

I think I'm less worried about the speaking than I am about the commitment - even though I've had the ability for a few years to Do Stuff, I'm still not entirely sure where my on-meds limits are. I should ask how many speeches I might do in a month, whether there are other activities associated with the SSB, etc. Knowing that might be soothing.

[erika]

That makes perfect sense & I really hope my first comment didn't come off as harsh. I just wanted to let you know--they won't necessarily tiptoe around the subject. <3

[sofiaviolet]

Not harsh at all. :)

[peoppenheimer]

If you decide not to start the training, that's okay. You might want to make sure your support network is in place.

If you start the training and it's too hard to finish the training, that's okay. You might want to make sure your support network is in place.

If you finish the training and it's too hard to do the work, that's okay. You might want to make sure your support network is in place.

I hope it's okay with you that I presumed to speak to you about this.

[sofiaviolet]

Support network is probably better now than it's ever been, fortunately. (For one thing, I actually have an in-person local-to-me support network! I haven't had that for most of my life.)

It's totally fine! :) If I had wanted to limit comments, it would have been locked or filtered.

[jae]

I'm sure you wouldn't be the first.

As long as you don't have some reason to believe trying it would damage you (I'm not at all sure it wouldn't damage me, frex), I say go for it, and be conscious of your limitations.

-J

[sofiaviolet]

Trying it should be fine - if I have to pull out, it'll suck for a while because I'll feel guilty but I am capable of working through that.

I think I am more worried about limitations on my skills (I have no idea whether I can learn to be a competent public speaker) and my ability level as affected by decently-controlled depression (still figuring out what I can and can't do in terms of leaving the house and expending energy).

[isis]

Yay you for wanting to!

[sofiaviolet]

:) I am going to send in the application, at least - it looks like even if I do the training, I am not required to do X speaking engagements per month or anything like that, which places it pretty squarely in "I can do that" territory.