(no subject)

[sofiaviolet]

helens78: pondering... grainfest?

Rumor has it that DW is going to be offering seed accounts again. For those of us who don't want one, can't afford $200 for one right now, or already have one, would there be any interest in some kind of parallel fundraising endeavor? We could use the term "grain" instead of "seed" (similar connotation, similar potentially-organic vegan term!), and make icons saying we're going after GRRRRRAAAAAIIIIINNNNSSSS, and... okay, really I just think the idea of dreamsheep zombies saying GRRRRRAAAAIIIINNNSSS is hysterical, but seriously, I think it could be a fun project.

What Privilege?: Non-survivor privilege and silence

Those of us who’ve experienced abuse, rape and other violations don’t keep it quiet because we’re ashamed. Or because it’s intensely personal. The main reason we keep it quiet is because we know how you’ll treat us if we tell you. We know you have a culturally-granted privilege to remain ignorant. To not know, and therefore not to be responsible. Not to bother. Not to think about it.

And Dreamwidth's hosting provider will be performing maintenance over the weekend. They estimate 15 minutes of downtime for Dreamwidth during a 6-hour window.

Comments

[silverhare]

The main reason we keep it quiet is because we know how you’ll treat us if we tell you.
*nods*

[sofiaviolet]

I actually have a post I need to write up, about the reactions I've received to telling people I was raped, but the main thrust is:

It really helped (with being able to tell other people, being 'out' as a survivor, with being a survivor, and with entering a new relationship after being assaulted in my first ever relationship) that the first person I told (other than my rapist, who laughed at me) believed me and didn't pretend like I hadn't said anything or recategorize me under "poor tragic victim."

[silverhare]

I'm not sure about reactions, really. It is all swirled inamongst my mental breakdown and the dark early years of recovery, so mostly I can't remember telling people. I do remember the reaction of the first professional I told, though. She said "These things happen in relationships." And I didn't tell anyone else for ~three years.

There are some people I'll never tell, partly because they know where [ex-fiancée] lives, and mostly because I don't want them to dismiss me like that first person did.

I am not sure whether telling people makes me a survivor, or whether it means I am still a victim. Perhaps it's both. I have recently realised that I probably have PTSD (flashbacks, triggering words, panic attacks, emotional numbing, etc.) as a consequence. I struggle with how to deal with it.

[sofiaviolet]

"These things happen"? Way to be completely unprofessional. :( I'm sorry.

As for being a survivor versus a victim: I figure it's best for people to figure out how they need to think of themselves.

And I make such a big deal about telling people, and I do tell - well, the whole internet, really - because it means I can't pretend it never happened. I stayed in that relationship for another year because I couldn't leave, and the only way I could function was to retcon my rape away.

I don't have any advice for coping with PTSD, unfortunately. If you think you can work with a (non-sucky, of course) professional, then that's a possibility. Also support groups, whether in-person or online. Although I find that simply recognizing what you're experiencing can be a very helpful step, if only because knowing that something is happening allows you to take action for your own benefit.