I kind of feel (as someone who likes that kind of RP once in a great while) that if everyone involved in that kind of RP isn't enthusiastic and rarin' to go with it, it isn't RP, it's the real thing, at least to some degree, and that is the last thing I would personally EVER want.
But then there's a real gulf in the world of forced sex RP between the people who want it to be about how someone is so, so awesome that you just can't control yourself and wait to get consent (or conversely that someone is so, so awesome that they immediately know all your deep dark secret wishes and you don't have to go through the messy negotiation and pain, it just happens, exactly the way you want, right down to the part where you never have to admit that you do want it) and the people who really get off on the idea of shaming, hurting, humiliating and degrading people, and/or being shamed, hurt, degraded and humiliated. Which I don't get. I just wish there were a secret sign like Kushiel's Dart in the eyes of the freaky ones so I would know to run away.
I actually find this a problem with most kink to a degree though, particularly with men. I do not want to have sex with anyone who wants to make me feel like dogshit or wants me to make them feel like dogshit. Period. If I could set up a kink event where people were prescreened for maliciousness and the desire to make people really feel like dogshit (and not just pretend they do while loving it) I would be on that like a hot second. One of the reasons my psycho third husband is an ex is that he completely failed to understand that bdsm is not about getting your bottom to do things that s/he doesn't want to do or make your top make you do things that you said you don't want to do, and in fact must involve complete acceptance of the fact that if someone really doesn't want a certain thing to happen, you must not make it happen and you must also not get off on making it happen.
And the thing is, I really do consider violation of stated hard limits (or even continually repeated "I don't like when", "I don't want", "no, I really don't enjoy that") to be sexual assault. Because what the fuck else do you call it?
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Date: 2010-06-30 18:37 (UTC)I kind of feel (as someone who likes that kind of RP once in a great while) that if everyone involved in that kind of RP isn't enthusiastic and rarin' to go with it, it isn't RP, it's the real thing, at least to some degree, and that is the last thing I would personally EVER want.
But then there's a real gulf in the world of forced sex RP between the people who want it to be about how someone is so, so awesome that you just can't control yourself and wait to get consent (or conversely that someone is so, so awesome that they immediately know all your deep dark secret wishes and you don't have to go through the messy negotiation and pain, it just happens, exactly the way you want, right down to the part where you never have to admit that you do want it) and the people who really get off on the idea of shaming, hurting, humiliating and degrading people, and/or being shamed, hurt, degraded and humiliated. Which I don't get. I just wish there were a secret sign like Kushiel's Dart in the eyes of the freaky ones so I would know to run away.
I actually find this a problem with most kink to a degree though, particularly with men. I do not want to have sex with anyone who wants to make me feel like dogshit or wants me to make them feel like dogshit. Period. If I could set up a kink event where people were prescreened for maliciousness and the desire to make people really feel like dogshit (and not just pretend they do while loving it) I would be on that like a hot second. One of the reasons my psycho third husband is an ex is that he completely failed to understand that bdsm is not about getting your bottom to do things that s/he doesn't want to do or make your top make you do things that you said you don't want to do, and in fact must involve complete acceptance of the fact that if someone really doesn't want a certain thing to happen, you must not make it happen and you must also not get off on making it happen.
And the thing is, I really do consider violation of stated hard limits (or even continually repeated "I don't like when", "I don't want", "no, I really don't enjoy that") to be sexual assault. Because what the fuck else do you call it?