It's link time.

[sofiaviolet]

Dogs of the 9th Ward dog rescue

Yes Means Yes: Mythcommunication: It’s Not That They Don’t Understand, They Just Don’t Like The Answer

I just read a paper from the discipline of conversation analysis. It dovetails nicely with what I wrote in Talking Past Each Other, and I’m going to go through some of the findings (I can’t redistribute the paper itself), and talk about some conclusions. Long story short: in conversation, “no” is disfavored, and people try to say no in ways that soften the rejection, often avoiding the word at all. People issue rejections in softened language, and people hear rejections in softened language, and the notion that anything but a clear “no” can’t be understood is just nonsense. First, the notion that rape results from miscommunication is just wrong. Rape results from a refusal to heed, rather than an inability to understand, a rejection. Second, while the authors of the paper say that this makes all rape prevention advice about communicating a clear “no” pointless, I have a different take. Clear communication of “no” isn’t primarily going to avoid miscommunication — rather, it’s a meta-message. Clear communication against the undercurrent that “no” is rude and should be softened is a sign of the willingness to fight, to yell, to report.

sasha_feather: The Power of the Right Metaphor

The presenter, whose name I unfortunately do not recall, let the discussion go on for a bit before stopping it. She said, and I paraphrase, "All of the medical details can get confusing and upsetting, so I like to use a metaphor. Imagine you are caring for your elderly grandmother. It's difficult to get her up and down the stairs and into the tub because she is a tall woman. So, to fix this problem, you decide to cut off her legs to make her smaller."

Alt.Share

Alt.Share is an unconference on April 3rd, 12:30pm-4:30pm at the Boston University Women’s Resource Center based on the idea that sexuality affects all aspects of life and that anyone with the desire to learn has the right to do so and has something to contribute to this open environment.

elusis: Privilij denyin kitteh has invisibul knapsak

The Curvature: Louisiana Law Forces Many Sex Workers to Register as Sex Offenders

Because of the way that sex workers are generally made vulnerable to violence, as well as the ways that prisoners face frequent sexual assault, the most callous part of this practice may be the fact that such large numbers of those forced to register as sex offenders for non-violent offenses are victims of sexual violence themselves. Most of the women and men profiled in these articles talk about having been raped, whether as adults or children, whether by clients or family members, by prison guards or fellow prisoners. They must register as sex offenders, be unable to find employment or residences, face harassment and assault, and bear scarlet letters on their identification while at the same time, probably all of their actual rapists do not have to do the same. They have not only been raped, but been given their rapists’ punishments. They have not only been raped, but told that they are like, or perhaps worse than, their actual rapists.

Comments

[laughingrat]

That's really interesting about the "not misunderstanding" thing. I think the OP is absolutely right, of course, and yet there does seem to be a disconnect for some dudes when they're told "No" by a woman. I've actually had men look at me with complete bafflement, as if I'm speaking a foreign language, when I tell them "Get away from me" or "Step away from my car or I'm calling the cops" or "Get out of my face, I'm not interested in your petition." [EDIT: Bear in mind I totally don't do this stuff until they have crossed any appropriate boundaries so badly that I've got no choice but to raise hell. I don't just shout at random dudes. ;)] The look they have is almost like a part of their world is literally crumbling, they're so shocked and confused.

Hmm. Then again, that's less "misunderstanding the message" and more "ego-shattering damage to established worldview," so...yeah. Never mind. :)

[sofiaviolet]

Ah, the "does not compute" moment. I figure that's pretty universal when people run into something that challenges their understanding of the world.