sofiaviolet: candy hearts from a prescription bottle (and the blue ones help me fall)
Sofia Violet Emilie Blackthorne ([personal profile] sofiaviolet) wrote2010-05-11 09:23 pm

cheer up, self

Daily Song makeups (right-click):
Veruca Salt - Seether (May 8th)
The Pipettes - One Night Stand (May 9th)
Goldfrapp - Slippage (May 10th)

Daily Song (right-click): The Dollyrots - Because I'm Awesome

[personal profile] synecdochic: the ghost in the room, or, why modesty is a dirty fucking word

There are a lot of things I am good at, and a lot of things I do that are awesome. I feel no particular need to list them, and at least a few come up in general blah-blah-this-is-my-life (I am good at my job, for example, and the stuff I do generally isn't done by people with my level of education - there's a reason I call myself an apprentice archivist). I write well. I'm making an effort to contribute to my online community (having - I think - accustomed myself to frequent and at least moderately meaty posts, and having always been pretty zealous about replying to comments, I'm now pushing myself to comment more on other people's stuff).

As far as I can tell, the main limit right now on my level of kickass-doing-of-things is... depression and the learned procrastination, apathy, and lack of action that go along with a lifetime case of dysthymia.

So my options seem to be Add More Meds, Retrain Myself, or Both. Adding more Wellbutrin is... not such a great idea, since last time I tried to take 300mg, my memory stopped functioning (not that it is completely unaffected at 250, but). Retraining myself to take more initiative is hard *whinge* and it's not instant. And it sucks trying to accomplish that kind of retraining during a "down" cycle.

Weirdly, my "crashes" seem to be shifting to later and later in the calendar year. IIRC, my freakout in early 2005 was mostly in February, my freshman year not-going-to-class thing began in Ferbuary and went critical in March, and I'm currently buried under a layer of suck and have been for a couple of weeks. My sleep schedule alone suggests that We Have A Problem Here - it's very similar to the hours I was keeping in early 2007, but with more time spent sleeping. :(

Although really, the sleeping is the main problem - I'm getting on with the rest of my life just fine, even if I am feeling assortedly low, sad, blah, okay, etc.

Basically, nobody worry! I'm just feeling less happy/content than I think I should be - for no apparent reason, which means it is cyclical brain chemical shenanigans.
zulu: (sga - faith)

[personal profile] zulu 2010-05-12 10:18 am (UTC)(link)
*nods* I've found that one of the best ways to circumvent the low periods isn't by avoiding them--which I can't--but by knowing that they're happening, so that I can kick in some coping mechanisms. I hope your brain chemistry evens out soon!
laughingrat: A detail of leaping rats from an original movie poster for the first film of Nosferatu (Default)

[personal profile] laughingrat 2010-05-12 12:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Geez, I'm sorry. Yes, it's hard to retrain yourself during a down period, for sure. Good luck.
turlough: cat playing trumpet in a lighted attic window, Scat Cat from Disney's 'Aristocats' ((disney) guiding light)

[personal profile] turlough 2010-05-12 05:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Spring is generally my worst time of the year too though this year I've felt remarkably okay on the whole. It differs from year to year I've noticed. I'm sending good vibes your way.