Also, you shouldn't have to separate the two. The only reason I know it's not the sexual assault is that the sexual assault happened when I was 17 and the last serious relationship happened when I was 36. So there was some time intervening, and I had mostly worked through the sexual assault by then, although the last serious relationship falling apart and the psycho-ex husband right before did bring some of those demons back up. I kind of have this huge really long history of relationship fail. :) Which is why even though I've done metric fuckloads of therapy over the past year I'm still scared of dating again. I know I know how to protect myself now in ways that I didn't and that I am more aware of my issues and able to defend myself and set limits/boundaries better.

This does not mean that when I think about dating again, the lizard brain doesn't go "omg fuck no fuck no remember what happened the last kazillion times you did that?"